The Path to Eden I - Jamie

Author's note: The number here may be confusing - this is actually the second chapter of the "Eden" series, but it's part of the first act of it, so to speak. I may change this all up later. Link to the first chapter below the story, for all those interested.

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There are days when everything’s going exactly as I want it to. Days I don’t even have to do anything and everything just somehow falls into place. No effort, no stress, no nothing. Just pure, unadulterated bliss. And then there are the bloody days when even your fucking front gate hates your fucking guts. Days like today, I mean.

The bloody thing would just not respond to anything. I could shout at it, pound at it, kick it – nothing. The touch panel was broken. Must’ve been Trish or Susie that did it when they came back from that bloody party yesterday night. Why the fuck do we even have teens?

“Cat!” I shouted at the living room window. “Do you have the keys to this bloody gate? The digital lock’s busted!” Sadly, no answer came. I figured she was just having one of her moods again. After dealing the hellish contraption one final kick, I let out a sigh and threw my briefcase over it. Then I tried to throw my body over it. With much sweat and heaving, I finally managed to wrestle my belly over the gate and found myself on the pavement. I straightened my tie and wiped the sweat off my forehead. Well done, Jimbo. You’ve made it to the other side even though the world hates you today. You’ve earned a bloody medal.

The grey sky reflected off of my car’s freshly waxed surface. With a pleasant bwoop, the vehicle unlocked when I pressed the button on my keycard. I was glad that at least the car was being nice to me. Up until a certain point, at least.

The screen to my left showed me the same screen that greets me every morning. I tapped the same icons as usual, setting the course for my workplace. I put my hands on my face, trying to cleanse myself off all the remaining frustration, awaiting the car to take me away somewhere. That moment took longer than usual. I opened my eyes.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” The screen flashed red with a big “system error” message. As if the day hadn’t been bad enough, I had to drive the car manually to work. Don’t panic. You can do this. It’s just a 20-minute drive.

It was a 20-minute drive when I used the autopilot. Turned out to be quite a bit longer when I had to do the driving myself. I always found the steering wheel to be a clunky device and I was pretty confident that whenever I took control of the car it would end in an accident. On top of that fear, I was growing more and more angry and frustrated over the fact that I was going to be late. Needless to say, my hands were shaking like a bloody Chihuahua.

Almost 30 minutes late, I’d finally arrived at my work’s car park. A glance at the mirror showed me my balding scalp had turned beet red and dripping with sweat. As I parked, the backside of the car gently brushed the wall. Don’t let it be scratched, please. Don’t let it be scratched. I quickly got out of the car and took a look. It did get scratched. I kicked the car’s tire, injuring my big toe in the process.

“Fuck!”

But then it was all okay. I’d straightened my tie again and was taking the lift up to my office. Through its glass walls I saw the magnificent cityscape. Despite the lousy weather, the jagged, glass horizon formed by all the new buildings never ceased to amaze me. Bent into striking shapes and illuminated by faint white lights even in the daytime, the structures were a sight that was for some reason soothing. I took a deep breath, feeling the frustration leave my body, when I heard a soft ding announcing that I had reached my destination.

Without making a sound, the door opened. As I entered, my heart sank. The whole room was empty. All the desks were vacant. The computers were mostly on, however, with several holoscreens flickering. It all seemed as if everyone just left the room to-

“Fuck!” I swore in a whisper that was much too loud. As if the day could not get worse, I remembered there was an important meeting scheduled for that day. The door to the boss’ office flew wide open and a crowd of smartly dressed people came filing out of the room, confirming my fears. I tried to force my way through the stampede and finally found myself face-to-face with Garry Ferguson, my boss. I was heaving and sweating yet again, clutching my knees as I leaned down to catch my breath.

“Nice of you to finally arrive, James,” he said with a grin showcasing his sparkling, perfectly even teeth. Despite their impeccable evenness, Garry had a lisp. That’s why I would always cringe whenever I heard him say my full name.

“I’m really sorry, Garry,” I said as I straightened my tie for what was probably the millionth fucking time that day. “It’s just… Everything’s just… Do you ever have one of those days-“

“You know what, James?” he said with that blasted lisp again. His grin, however, had faded. “I don’t really think this is working out.”

“What do you mean?”

“The meeting we had today was very important. That new Japanese doll system we mentioned some time ago, remember that? Well, that’s what the meeting was about.”

“Okay.” I wasn’t exactly sure if I remembered or not.

“And we’re implementing it next week. What that means is that we need to become even more efficient, more aggressive, more sleek.” I cringed at that last word. I know he did his best at it, but it came out as thleek. “We need to cut corners, is all I mean.”

“Well, that’s one thing I can be sure I’m good at,” I joked. He didn’t seem to get it. “Just ask my wife.”

“Boone,” he said with a stern face. My heart sank. If he addressed you with your last name, you could be sure that was no good. “This isn’t the first time that you’ve  proved inadequate and we can no longer afford to sustain people who lag behind. I want you to pack your things.”

“No, Garry, wait-“

“I want you out by 12.”

Before I knew it, I was out of his office and the wooden door slammed in front of my face. For a moment I was sure all I could hear was faint static at the back of my head. Next thing I knew I was in the lift again. The tall structures grew larger and more imposing the lower I went. I felt as if I was being crushed.

Still faint from all that had happened, I got in the car. Instinctively, my hand reached for the side panel. A red light came up once again. Guess I need to take the wheel again.

The drive home went surprisingly smoothly. Before I knew it, I was parked in front of my house. Maybe it’s all just some crazy dream? I mean, I’m not even angry. It’s all so surreal. The gate was still broken, so I leapt over it once more. This time I forgot to take my briefcase from the car with me, so I had to go over the gate two more times. I then stood in front of the door for a while. I felt so detached from everything, as if the body wasn’t even mine and I couldn’t feel anything. I giggled. The numbness felt funny. I grabbed the doorknob and opened the door, wondering what other interesting things might happen today.

I dropped my briefcase by the entrance and went straight ahead upstairs. At that time, I didn’t even hear anything or notice anything strange. I think I still felt that static. But the instant I opened the bedroom door, I noticed what was wrong.

“Fuck.”

The two bodies in my bed began to spin around in a panic.

“Why the fuck are you here?” my wife Catherine asked as she emerged from under the sheets, her auburn hair tangled and falling on her gaunt face. Her lips were trembling, her face pale as she fixed her gaze on me. And I must have had the dumbest expression on my face.

“Well, you know, I used to sleep in that bed with you. Is it really so surprising that I’m here now? And who’s the lad with you?” As soon as he showed his shaggy head from under the sheets, I recognized him. “Matt,” I gasped. Now that I did not see coming. Matt was a longtime friend of ours, along with his wife, Melissa. My eye twitched. “Now you’ll tell me Melissa’s there with you as well.”

He sent me a nervous grin as he got up from under the sheets and put on some trousers. He was tall and much more fit than I was, despite being roughly the same age. As he turned to me, I noticed the nervousness disappear from his grin. He now stood there in front of me. I think he was trying to intimidate me. I think it worked. The next thing I knew I had him pinned to the floor, my fist prepared to strike his dumb face.

“You can hit me all you want, mate,” he grinned. “But dear Cat here’s made her choices. It’s not my fault she’d rather fuck me than you.”

“Oh yeah? Are you suggesting it’s mine, then!” I shouted, spitting all over his face.

“Stop that, right now!” I could hear Cat shout from the bed. “I will not tolerate this!”

“And what if I am, huh? You’ll hit me? I’d like to see you try,” Matt’s grin became crooked. “You and I both know you won’t do it. You’re too weak.”

“Don’t provoke him!” Cat shouted. “Just let it go.”

Let it go, she says. I felt detached from everything once again. Despite my rage boiling somewhere deep inside, somewhere deeper I somehow did not give a fuck. Everything was messed up anyway. So I got up and turned around. I noticed Cat’s expression change.

“So you’re just going to leave this all like that?”

“You said yourself that you won’t tolerate it. I don’t think I give a fuck anymore at this point.”

“You don’t give a fuck…” I could tell she was fighting back tears. “So this marriage means nothing to you? You won’t fight for anything?”

“Why bother?” as I said this, I left the room. I could hear Cat shout something in the distance, but I didn’t care enough to even try to understand the specific words. On my way downstairs I bumped into Trish as she snuck into the house from the back entrance. “And why the fuck are you not at school?”

“Dad!” she gasped. She was clearly shaken, had deep shadows under her eyes and looked positively exhausted. “I thought you were at work.”

“Well, as you can see, I’m not. Let me guess, neither of you came back from the party for the night.” Her response consisted of looking down at her feet. A part of me was furious, but then it was replaced by something wonderful. I really didn’t have to do anything anymore. I could just leave it all behind and let someone else do the cleaning up. The world hated me as it was anyway. “Well, it’s none of my business anymore anyway, so bye!”

She said nothing as I left. The last time I saw her face, she was absolutely stunned by what I had told her. I hoped Susan was okay. Disregarding that, I approached the car, whose front window was now adorned with a lovely spot of bird shit.

“How lovely!” I shouted with a big grin on my face. My hands shook as I opened the door and entered the car. I didn’t even bother with the autopilot this time around, I just turned the keycard and just rode straight ahead of me. I was sure I was speeding, but that was the point. I wanted to go as far away as I could, as fast as I could.

Then I reached the roundabout.

Roundabouts are safe, they said. Unless some fucking twat decides to enter it when they shouldn’t. Needless to say, my car was hit. Badly. I lost consciousness. I was pretty sure I was dead. But then I found myself in a place that was completely white, almost blindingly so. I was standing in a circle that I formed with ten human-shaped shadows. In the middle of the circle, a naked woman was hovering in midair. The Contact, a featureless voice in my head said. She was quite stunning. She must have been in her late twenties. Her cropped brown hair gave her a bit of an edgy look, but that was evened out by the big brown eyes that seemed to shine with innocence in all this. To top it all off, she had an amazing body. It didn’t seem appropriate to gawk at that, however, so I turned my gaze away.

And then the light appeared. A red ray of light burst out of the girl’s forehead, piercing the sky above us, dispersing the milk-white substance that now looked a bit like clouds. Something descended from there. I couldn’t see it clearly from where I stood, but I believe it had wings made out of fire and a giant, rainbow-colored eye. The sight was pretty shocking, and yet I just stood there, unable to move, trying not to die out of the sheer terror I was feeling. I think it said something to us.

And then I opened my eyes. I was lying on the ground, my eyes gazing into the sky above me, at the numerous spots of light that were visible even despite the thick clouds. That’s them. I sat up on the grass. For some reason, I was in the middle of the roundabout, my car lay mangled next to me, reeking of smoke and oil. And yet there was no scratch on me. The people around me had left their cars, and gazed into the sky, a nervous murmur in the air. Even the police and the medics and the dumbass that crashed his car into mine were looking up with their mouths agape. I reached for my phone in my pocket. Thankfully, it was in perfect condition too. For some reason, I knew exactly what I needed to do now. So I booked a flight.

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The Path to Eden I - Angela (1/2)

The Path to Eden I - Angela (2/2)

Fish-eyed angels, mov. 3 -FINALE-: "A Melody Frozen in Time"

Jeremy sat at his desk. It was a desk like any other – made of wood, standing on four legs, and yet so unlike any. Its uniqueness was clear as day to anyone who lay eyes upon it. However, no one knew exactly what quality made it different. Was it the dark maroon color? The multitude of coffee stains, dying the right part of the desk a light beige? The laptop – the one with the huge, dangerous-looking dent on its side? No one could put their finger on it, but they all knew it the second they saw it. This was the desk of a writer.

Jeremy took a sip of his coffee and put down the indigo mug, too hard, again. Half the coffee made a happy leap over the edge of the cup, mockingly covering Jeremy’s mouse pad and hand in the hot, sticky liquid. Fuck, he thought to himself. He never said such words out loud. He licked the coffee of his hand and threw the mouse pad away – it had seen enough. High time it got its well-deserved rest.

Just another proof-read and that story was done. Jeremy always struggled with eliminating comma splices.

The plate smashed into pieces as it made contact with the ground. The chair was falling down for what seemed like hours. Bits of lasagna splattered around her on the cold wooden floor. The clang of falling silverware low, slow, deafening. Charlie could feel the vibrations on her cheek.

Jeremy let out a sigh. He could never find himself completely satisfied with his writing. Something always  seemed to be missing. Some bits, on the other hand, seemed to be too much. Like in this story – why did he use Charlie as a protagonist? It had been ages since he last saw her, talked to her. He doubted any of her actual personality or their history together bled into the story, but that was still a possibility, and he knew he would die on the spot if anyone noticed it. Jeremy took another sip of the now lukewarm sticky substance. Charlie would always tell him to cut down on the sugar. Maybe I should change the name, he thought to himself, but pretty soon he just let it go and left the story as it was. He wondered if that was because he was hoping she would notice it.

Jeremy opened another file. Another story he needed to proof-read before posting it.

I sat down on the wooden chair. It creaked under the weight of my body. I wondered how long it would hold.

Once again, Jeremy felt a bit silly for writing that. He was feeling much better than at the time. He knew Greg would laugh at him after reading this, especially at the “barrel-shaped part”, but at the same time, changing anything about it seemed wrong. He saved the document, closed it and shut down the computer. He put his arms behind his neck and looked at the ceiling fan. Its slow movements would always calm him down. He needed a break.

He stood up, stretched and walked around the room. He approached the fish bowl. It was a tiny thing, with only one little gold fish and a rock in it. He got it at a fair they all went to together all those years ago. To Jeremy, it seemed much longer ago than it really was. There were times when he was depressed about it. Times when he thought that it was all for nothing,  that now that everyone has drifted apart, there was no point in going forward. And yet, whenever he approached the bowl and looked at the fish’s gigantic glassy eyes, he felt happy. Because no matter what the future would bring him or how the present looked, he knew that whatever happened, happened. For better or worse. At least now he could make a living of it all. Those memories worked as some fantastic inspiration.


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I want to thank my wife for helping me with this series. If it weren't for you, there would be no fish-eyed angels, and even no Writing Lion, while we're at it. You are irreplaceable.

Fish-eyed angels, mov. 2: "Breath"

I sat down on the wooden chair. It creaked under the weight of my body. I wondered how long it would hold. I looked at my hands. In the pale light of the full moon, it didn’t even look like blood. I didn’t even care at this point. They’d be here any second.

The attic was always completely empty, but I’d never noticed it was so large. A single rectangle of white light, my barrel-shaped shadow in the middle of it all. I noticed black stains on the floor.

I grabbed my head. The pain got unbearable. I smelled something metallic.

What is wrong with me?

For a second I saw stars in front of my eyes. They gradually huddled closer together, forming colorful nebulas and galaxies, sprawling snails, fishes, eyes, skulls. Some stars came closer. They were human-shaped, blindingly radiant – beautiful.  Comforting in all their distance and complete lack of interest in me. Their watchful eyes turned elsewhere. Their fish eyes. Their deft legs, their ballet moves. It was all a scene. Nothing was real. Nothing of it was real. It was all a nightmare. I knew I’d soon wake up and dad would take me to the fair again. I’d have cotton candy again, just like yesterday when Jeremy and I fought over that robot. What was its name again…?

Red and blue lights flashed on the walls of the attic. I could hear my breath, deep, calm. Nothing could change anything anymore. Why should it matter? It was too late anyway. 

The Path to Eden I - Angela (2/2)

The way he said it made it seem like he knew something I didn’t. Like something bad was going to happen. The entire walk home from the station, I felt like someone was watching me. Thankfully, I reached my apartment building perfectly safe. I opened the door with a small sigh of relief and called out “Hey.” I got a “hey” in return. It came from the kitchen. Ellie was sitting by the table, tablet in one hand, an apple with the other. Her green eyes were moving left and right as she was reading an article of some sort. She’d done her hair in two thick braids today. A new look I think suited her nicely.

“How was school today?” I asked her as I placed my coat on the hanger.

“Fine,” she said with a shrug and took a bite of the apple.

“Is that schoolwork?”

“No,” she said matter-of-factly. “It’s all over the news. The president announced a full global disarmament.”

“So soon?” I asked in a surprised tone, but in truth, I felt nothing. I didn’t feel like that knowledge affected me at all. It seemed like just a formality. The whole world was finally at peace now, anyway. No wars, no poverty, no hunger, no disease. All under one federal government. A disarmament seemed like an afterthought at this point. “You ready to go to bed, though? You done with all your homework?”

“Yup,” she said as she locked her tablet. “I aced a biology quiz today. Is everything okay, Angie? You look pretty shaken?”

“It’s nothing. There was just this creepy guy on the train. I don’t really wanna talk about it.”

“Oh, another admirer?” she said with a grin on her face that she always used if she wanted to annoy me. “When can I expect him? You know, if you want me to print more breakfast you have to tell me beforehand.”

“Funny. And if you keep sassing me, maybe I can give Jeremiah’s mom a call and tell her about what happened at the Friday party you guys had, huh?”

“But nothing happened,”  she pouted.

“Yes, and that guy was just a creeper I met. So let it go,” I said as I made my way to the bathroom. Before I completely took my top off, I stopped in my tracks and turned around to face Ellie. “Oh, right. Josh invited us both for a bike ride this Saturday.”

“O, happy day,” she said as she twirled one of her braids. “What a glorious turn of events.”

“Just try to be nice, okay? He is pretty nice, and I like him.”

“Yeah, yeah…”

I took a quick shower and went straight to bed. I was pretty exhausted. Traces of long lost memories swirled around my head, then some familiar faces. Ellie, Josh… And that guy on the train. In my dream, I was trying to run away from him as he followed me on the station. He kept wishing me a safe journey. All I knew was that I wanted to get away and I didn’t care for any journey.

That’s when I woke up. Or at least, I thought I did. I felt a huge pain in my head. Everything around me was white, though I was still in my room. It was some sort of light. A blinding white light so bright that I felt like I was floating among a huge white nothingness. The pain intensified. I then noticed a red glowing orb float out of my forehead. It looked like a red firefly, though it flew up in a straight path, further and further away from me, until suddenly, there was a rift in the whiteness. Flames protruded into twelve different directions, and in the middle of it all was what seemed to be a rainbow-colored eye. The eye opened wider and wider, the red orb of light heading right in the middle of its pupil. When it finally reached it, it was engulfed by the eye. The pupil became red and burst into a blue flame. The twelve flames started spinning and what seemed like a human silhouette appeared in the middle of the blue flame. Eleven human shadows appeared around me. Then I heard a voice. A completely featureless voice, that was for some reason extremely imposing. I started to tremble.

“The Contact is lucid. Commence operation.”

I woke up gasping for breath, cold sweat trickling down my spine. The sun covered the room in bright stripes as it shone from between the blinds. I’d never felt such relief. Something was off, though. The apartment was quiet – it must have still been pretty early if Ellie still wasn’t up. There seemed to be some sort of commotion outside, however. I approached the window and opened the blinds. A lot of people had come out to the street and pointed at the sky, talking to each other excitedly. I looked up to where they were all pointing. I didn’t need to look hard. The entire sky was dotted with countless white speck of light. Instinctively, I touched my forehead. The point where I’d felt the red light leave it in my dream. That somehow made me feel calmer. It made me feel more at ease with the fact that they’d come. Whatever was coming my way, I knew I could take it.

The Path to Eden I - Angela (1/2)

I could see it. At first it was clear, close. Just like in the pictures I’d seen on the Internet. I could see clouds soaring over masses of green continents and the endlessly navy blue seas, the snow white ice caps, the sunlight reflected on the seemingly calm waters. It was breathtaking. But then, in an instant, the clouds got less distinguishable. Everything was blurry. The whole globe shrunk, becoming a small ball of swirling blueness. Soon enough, it was impossible to tell it apart from all the stars soaring by. The stars themselves came closer and closer together. They’d melded into a single, all-encompassing light. I felt tears run down my cheeks. At least, I thought I did. Why? Ellie was with me, I could feel her hand, its reassuring warmth. There was no need for tears. I was doing the right thing. There was no other way…

Right?

I lost track of time. I don’t even know if it’s been weeks or months since I found out. They say ignorance is bliss – I’m still not sure how I feel about that. Up until that point I’d lived a normal life and now I was leaving all of it behind. Not that there was much to leave behind. My sister was with me. And that was it. There was no one else that would miss me. And now there was no turning back. I no longer had a chance to change that.

That day seemed to be just like any other. I doing my part of closing up the game shop just like I did every day. I had to hurry if I wanted to catch the monorail home. As usual, Josh volunteered to help me so that I can make it in time. He was a really sweet guy. Tall, dark-haired and blue-eyed, he was really good-looking, if a bit awkward. I think I was in love with him. There were days when I would hope that what we had could one day develop into something more. At other times, the same thought would fill me with dread.

“You think you’re gonna be free this Saturday?” he asked me as he placed a large box full of collectible cards on top of a huge shelf. “I was thinking we could grab some coffee or something.”

“Oh, sure!” I exclaimed in a pitch that was way too high. I almost made him lose his balance. “I’d love to. I just hope Ellie doesn’t burn the house down. You know how she is.”

“Well, in that case, how about we take a bike ride out of town?” he hopped down the ladder. “I mean, the three of us. You know Ellie and I get along pretty well.”

“Oh, don’t be fooled,” I grinned. “I’m pretty sure that’s just your opinion.”

“Oh come on…” he said. Even though he kept smiling his cat smile, I could see the disappointment in his eyes. I gave him a peck on the cheek.

“I’ll see what I can do,” I said as I turned around and gave him one last wink. “Last night was pretty amazing, by the way. I hope we can do that again someday. And thanks for taking care of my stuff!”

As the door closed behind me, I heard the sound of boxes falling on the floor. I was just about to check if Josh was okay, but then I heard him swear under his nose. He was fine. I took a look at my phone – time was running out. I ran down the back alley into the main street. The orderly rows of cars rushed by. The sky was orange, lights from the glass buildings making it seem dimmer than it actually was. As I passed a television store, I noticed a broadcast of President Nguyen. She was giving some sort of important speech, but I didn’t have the time to stop and watch. I looked at the skyline behind me – the monorail was already coming my way. I ran all the way to the station.

The hall blinded me with its pristine whiteness. I passed by a couple of people checking the interactive timetables, rows of others waiting patiently for their turn. Squeezing by them was quite a feat, but I finally reached the gate. I flashed my card in front of the sensor and hurried to my platform. Perfect. The monorail had just stopped at the station and the doors opened with a soft swoosh. A couple of people exited the tram, a couple more entered it. The doors would soon close, I picked up the pace. And then everything turned upside down, my knee scratched the surface of the even floor, and I lay sprawled on the cold ground. There was no way I could make it in time. I heard someone run past me, yelling “hey”. I lifted myself up and saw a man holding the door of the monorail for me.

“Come quickly, you can still make it,” he called out to me in a deep voice. His accent seemed funny. I had no time to question it, so I quickly grabbed all my stuff and entered the train.

“Thank you so, so much,” I heaved.

“It was my pleasure,” he said with a slight bow. His accent sounded perfectly British. There was something too perfect about it, though, and something too rough about the “r”s. He must have been a foreigner, though I couldn’t pinpoint where he came from. As he lifted his head, I noticed that he was much older than me. He could have been around sixty or seventy, though the way he’d run past me did not indicate that. He looked at me with piercing, cold blue eyes from behind his delicately framed glasses. Those elegant specs, expensive-looking coat and neatly trimmed, mid-length, graying blonde hair and goatee indicated I was dealing with a man of supreme wealth and taste. “Are you not hurt?”

“I think I just scraped a knee,” I said brushing some of my cropped hair out of my ear, where it had tangled itself so bad it was starting to itch. The man just stared at me, a crooked smile on his face. There was something off about him, though I have to admit, he had a certain allure about him for someone his age. I decided to break the silence and extended a hand towards him. “I’m Angela, by the way.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Angela,” he said as he shook my hand. His grip was firm, but there was a strange gentleness about it. Then, just for an instant, I felt nauseous. The feeling quickly went away, thankfully. “My name is Sergei. I am glad I could be of help. Now, if you could only tell me which monorail I can take to get back to where I was, I would consider the favor returned.”

“You mean you helped me even though you weren’t even taking this train home?” he nodded. I suddenly felt really ashamed of myself. “Well, why did you help me then? You really didn’t have to make the effort.”

“You would be left stranded there at the station, wouldn’t you? The next monorail doesn’t come for another hour at this time of day, correct?”

He was correct. But if he knew the monorail schedule, why did he need me to tell him how to get back? I suddenly felt somehow unnerved by his presence. His narrow eyes and cat grin made me feel as if my soul had been laid bare in front of him. I told him how he could get back and he mercifully got off at the next stop. Still, he felt the need to finish it off with “I am glad we met today, Angela. I wish you a safe journey.”

Evie & Chuck I

There are times when I just wake up in the middle of the night. There are times when I can’t go back to sleep. I then usually stroke Antares’ fluffy orange coat and make my way towards the fridge. Most of the time, there is some chocolate chip ice cream in it. I grab my laptop and try to watch some videos on YouTube, all the while nibbling on pieces of chocolate in the ice cream. I try to keep my mind off the things bothering me, and yet even as I keep looking up cute, silly, fun stuff, eventually some video that will quickly remind me of the very thing I’m trying to escape will be suggested to me. I can ignore it, and I usually do, but just noticing it makes me go back to that dark place.

Last night was different. For starters, I was in a hotel room at the opposite coast of the country. The reason I woke up was also a bit different. I was excited. This was the first job that had me go to the West Coast. I always wanted to go there, but somehow never got the chance. Of course, my usual anxiety was there, but thinking about it was unavoidable in my line of work. I didn’t really have any food left over in the fridge, so there was nothing I could eat. I also did not want to wake up the other person in the room. I got the normal bed, he had to sleep on the mattress. Not that I forced him to, he volunteered. His name was Chuck and I was genuinely surprised by that display of gentlemanliness. He was about my age, sandy haired, constantly scruffy, he had the build of someone who used to be a star player on his high school’s team but later partied more often than trained in college. His face, illuminated in the full moon, wasn’t that bad looking, with a strong jaw and a large nose. Can’t say he made a good first impression, but you could say we made some progress since the day he got assigned as my new equipment tech. I guess I was just bitter that I couldn’t work with Nikki ever since she got herself injured.

Chuck and I had an opportunity to get to know each other a bit during the flight here. None of us seemed to want to start a conversation. The welcome I had given him once the boss said we would be working together wasn’t exactly the nicest, what with the way I spilled my coffee on him and later pretended it was an accident. Still, I was usually the first to break the ice.

“So, Chuck,” I began, trying to maintain a neutral tone, even though I had a huge lump in my throat. “Shauna told me you used to be a photographer for a magazine.”

“Yep,” he replied. He was playing something on his white DS lite. I always thought that was a poor choice of color for a handheld.

“Really? What was it? Maybe I’ve seen your photos.”

“I doubt it. You’re not really the target audience.”

“Well, you never know,” I twisted in my seat, so that my left arm was lying comfortably on top of it, with my face resting on my fist. My insistence on keeping up this conversation clearly made an impression on him, as he put the DS away and fixed his hazel eyes into mine, a slight condescending smirk on his face. “I am interested in a lot of things girls usually aren’t. Was it a car magazine? Something about gaming, sports?”

“Not really, no,” he chuckled, now mimicking the pose I made. I blushed a little, but didn’t switch poses. I’m still not sure whether he was mocking me or not.

“Do you think I’ve even heard of it?”

“I’m pretty sure you have.”

“Huh. Now that’s surprising. I figured you were one of those people who wouldn’t hesitate to brag about having their pictures in a well-known magazine. If I heard of it, I’m pretty sure I’ve read it at least once.”

“I don’t think so. Unless you’re into pictures of naked chicks.”

“Oh,” I blushed again, this time turning my gaze away from his piercing eyes. Then it hit me – a well known magazine with pictures of naked women. “Wait, you don’t mean– “

“Yep,” the smug smile on his face turned into a grin. His teeth were perfectly even and almost unnaturally white. With his arms now folded, he looked really pleased with himself. “I used to work for that magazine.”

“Wow,” I said in almost a whisper. I looked back into his eyes. I needed to save face. “Well then, why did you quit? I’m sure they paid you better there. Or perhaps you got bored with taking pictures of celebrity boobs?”

Chuck chuckled. The word boobs attracted the attention of an old lady sitting in front of us. She gave me a look of utter disapproval as she put her headphones back on to get back to watching Forrest Gump. “Not really something you can get tired of, no. I wasn’t really paid that much, anyway. I was no lead photographer. Plus, I do get the feeling I’ll be able to deal with something personal working for you guys.”

“What do you mean?” I did my best to not let him know how thrilled I was to know what he meant.

“I mean that in your – our – line of work you get to deal with lots of weird stuff, right? I just thought I could get some answers,” for a while there he seemed deep in thought. That was the first instance I felt I could connect with him.

“So did I,” I told him. “But don’t get your hopes up. Usually, it’s not really anything worthwhile. You get all excited and think you found your proof, but then it turns out you were just seeing something that wasn’t there. Just because you really wanted to see it.”

“You said ‘usually’.”

“I still have hope.”

“So do I.”

We then gazed into each other’s eyes just a little too long. I thought I could see something familiar, something comforting in those eyes. I got lost in them, if only for a short moment. We came to our senses almost immediately. He went back to play his DS, while I put on my headphones and watched the movie. Couldn’t really concentrate, though.

On the way to the hotel we didn’t really talk any more but I did try to be less antagonistic towards him and he seemed to be more open towards me as well, pointing to any landmarks that seemed interesting. Once we got into the room, I was really furious they only had one bed and was sincerely grateful to Chuck for taking the mattress they brought in later. We must have been more tired than we thought, as we fell asleep almost instantaneously.

And then I sat on my bed in the middle of the night, watching the full moon over the ocean. I missed my cat, my ice cream and my Wi-Fi, but somehow, that night was different. I still couldn’t sleep, but the fear I had in me felt somewhat weaker. I felt a level of comfort that I usually couldn’t achieve with cute videos. I felt I needed to talk to Chuck more. I wanted to get to know him, get to know how he deals with those things. His loud snoring told me he was certainly doing a better job than I was.

I started to get drowsy much quicker than I usually do at home. To keep my mind away from its dark areas, I thought about the case we were on and couldn’t help but laugh at the name Shauna gave it: The Mothman.

Something new (2/2)

The next day I got to see Joe. We did go cycling. He actually looked a lot better than I had expected. In fact, he looked  much better than he had the last time I saw him after the divorce. That was probably partly because of all the weight he had lost. I started to get worried if he was eating properly. But his skin and hair looked pretty healthy and he was actually smiling, so maybe he just started eating healthier. I started to get curious what he had to say to me, but the topic didn’t really come up at first. We spent a half an hour just riding around the field, the yellowness of the tall flowers almost overwhelming. We finally stopped, a long distance away beyond the beaten path. We sat down on the grass, watching the river flow, the hills on the other side covered in trees that cast huge shadows.

“Listen, there’s something I wanted to talk about,” Joe started. “I mean, it’s not something I’ve already decided on, but I’ve been thinking.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I… I think I’m going to move. Somewhere far away.”

“You’re joking,” I said. Joe shook his shaggy head, a pained expression on his face. “Is this about Marie again? Listen, it’s already been a long time since the divorce, you guys don’t need to-“

“You just don’t get it,” he snapped.

“Calm down, man.”

“Sorry… I just… Listen to me.”

“I’m listening.”

“I…” his voice trembled. “It’s too much for me to take. I love her, but I can’t bear to be anywhere near her anymore.”

He was right. I didn’t get it. That raised so many questions. If you love her, why don’t you try to win her back? Can’t you guys just talk it out? She doesn’t hate you either, maybe there’s still a chance? But I just couldn’t bring myself to ask any of them. It seemed so inappropriate. I had no idea what had happened. That made being a good friend really hard. Never being in a relationship certainly didn’t help matters.

“And the whole place is full of memories you two shared, right?”

“I just…”

“Look, bro,” I looked straight at him. “You really think moving will change anything?”

“I don’t know… That’s why I wanted to talk.”

“You want to talk? Fine. I don’t think you should move.” Joe smiled a sad smile. I knew he knew I’d say it. “Sure, you shared a life with Marie here. All the pain you’ve had to endure is here. A lot of things will remind you of that, too. But you can’t go on pretending none of it happened. And it’s not just Marie you’ve spent times here with. There’s me, Jim, Gina, Candace, Dan, and you’ve got more friends. Oh right, before I forget, Jim’s starting a new D&D campaign next week and he wanted me to tell you you’re invited. Don’t worry, no girls allowed, just us guys.”

Suddenly, Joe burst out laughing. “It’s been so long! Sure, why not?”

“So, you think that’s worth staying for?”

“I don’t really know yet, honestly,” his face became somber once again. He took off his glasses and cleaned them with his t-shirt. “But thanks for talking with me, anyway. It felt good to get that stuff out of my system. And I’m really sorry I’ve been such a burden on you guys. We wanted this to be a private matter, so that no other people would have to be involved, but…”

“Hey, it’s no problem. I know you would’ve done the same for me.”

“Thanks a lot, pal.”

On the way home I picked some of the yellow flowers and put them behind my ear. I may have looked ridiculous, but that was the only way to transport them safely home. They were too beautiful to resist. Ginger liked them, too. Because of that, I spent the rest of the day trying to find a spot that would be unreachable to her to place the flowers. I doubted it would help in the long run. In the end, nothing I did ever made an impact.

The next day, I had trouble getting out of bed. I felt so tired and I had no idea why. Still, I had to get to work. That day I was manning the cash register. Around noon, a middle-aged woman entered the store. She had a kind, round face and big eyes.

“Can I help you, ma’am?”

“Yes, I saw that cute cockatiel you had on display. It’s a very pretty bird. I wanted to buy it.”

I hesitated for a moment. I couldn’t believe the time had come. “Sure,” I said with a slight stutter. I went up to Bradley’s cage. “The bird is 100$, but you’re gonna need some food and a cage with that, ma’am.”

“Oh, I know, I have a small cage with me,” she said. “I’ve actually had one for quite a long time, to be honest. I just can’t take the silence anymore…”

“Yeah, I get ya,” I said as I looked at her. Somehow, I felt I could really connect with this woman. “That’s always the worst part about having the pet. They’ll always live shorter than you will, and then they’re gone and it’s just so…”

“Quiet.”

“Yes.” We just looked each other in the eyes for a second. I then finally reached out my hand to grab Bradley. He chirped. “Anyway, Bradley here is still pretty young- I mean.”

“His name is Bradley?” she chuckled.

“I apologize, that’s what we called him at the store. He’s just such a friendly bird we couldn’t help ourselves. But you can call him whatever you want, you’re his owner now.”

“Actually, Bradley sounds pretty good,” she said with a warm smile. She bought some more bird feed and left along with Bradley. For some reason, at that moment, I felt really happy.

Something new (1/2)

“Bro, calm down,” I said, desperately trying to keep my iPhone from falling off my shoulder with my cheek.  “Wait a sec,” I hastily set down the cardboard boxes I was holding, causing the cages within to rattle. The noise of metal against metal unleashed turmoil among the many parrots sitting in their own cages. Cages not bound by cardboard boxes. And they were all falling asleep just a few minutes prior. Luckily for me, they calmed down pretty quickly. My hands were now free to hold my phone. “Listen, Joe. I can’t come over. I’m really sorry. I just can’t leave the shop unattended now, there’s so much to unpack.”

Joe sounded drunk. He was sobbing uncontrollably. It was the worst he sounded since the last couple of months. Since the divorce. The sun setting beyond the shop’s large window dyed the place a deep crimson. A young couple passing by stopped to watch the bald rats snuggling in a cage that was deliberately placed there to attract customers. I couldn’t tell if their faces expressed intrigue or disgust, but I always felt bad for the poor rats in such cases. That was a pretty calculated move on the boss’s part, but I doubt the rats liked that.

I could barely understand what Joe was saying through all that sobbing. “Listen, I got a day off tomorrow. Maybe we can go cycling? At the usual spot. I know,” I said as he kept insisting he had something important to talk about. “I know you have something to say, but I want to hear it from you when you’re sober, okay? So just get yourself together and we can talk tomorrow. See you there, man.” With a defeated Okay he hung up. I put my phone back in my pocket when I heard a flutter of wings. Bradley the cockatiel was sitting on my shoulder now, staring at me with his beady eyes,  whistling Fly me to the Moon, just like Veronica, my co-worker, had taught him. He bowed his head, as he usually did when he sat on my shoulder, urging me to give him a cheek-hug. And so I did. He was nice enough to return to his cage on his own, though I still had to close it.

Of course, Bradley was what we called him at the shop, but we all knew he’d get a new name once someone bought him. I was seriously considering doing just that – buying him with my own hard-earned cash, but I don’t think Ginger the cat would be pleased about that. Or maybe she’d be too pleased, it’s hard to say. I went back to take care of the boxes at the back of the shop, when I heard a commotion in the bird cages again. This time, it was the lovebirds. A pair was clawing at each other, it looked pretty serious. I had to reach in and separate them. I put the one I had in my right hand in one of the empty cages, not sure if it was the male or the female. Everything went back to normal again. It was bizarre. I’d heard of this happening from the other co-workers, but I’d never seen it myself. Apparently, this couple would fight viciously, but when you separated them, they would just keep pining for each other. When they’d get back together, it’d be fine for a while, but then they’d scratch and peck at each other again, feathers flying all around the place. And indeed, the bird in the empty cage was staring back at the cage where his partner was. It was kind of a sad view. None of us could ever get to why this was happening. I didn’t even know lovebirds could have arguments.

It was completely dark outside when I was done with unpacking all the new stuff. As I rode back home, I kept thinking about Joe and his failed marriage. That was so bizarre. They always looked like such a happy couple when we all got together, Joe and Marie. They’d been married for five years or so, before they divorced. And it really seemed like they’d split up on good terms. And yet we could never all meet again anymore. It’s like none of them ever wanted to be around the other anymore. Joe was holding up and we met up often. He was my best friend, but he never really told me anything about why they got divorced. And I’d heard some nasty gossip – that they’d been cheating on each other that whole time, or that one of them was secretly gay, but I never believed any of that. What I did know, however, was that they really wanted to have a kid, but couldn’t conceive. But was a couple of miscarriages really what ultimately ruined their marriage? I kept thinking about it for a couple more hours, as I lay in bed, ready to sleep, stroking  the cat that kept purring and rubbing her face into mine.

Sun

It was daybreak. The blinding whiteness of the sun’s rays illuminated the entire valley. She only had a day left. If she wanted to save her, she had to make it through the death wood before dusk. The rays brought hope. A hope that would die along with them.

She had no time to waste. She picked up her things and woke up her companion. The massive gray wolf yawned and stretched. His steel eyes met hers and she knew he understood perfectly. He bowed his head, allowing her to climb his back. She grabbed a tuft of fur and, with bow in hand and supplies on her back, she gently patted the beast on the neck. The wolf howled a howl that pierced the very sky, sending multicolored flocks of birds flying in all directions in a cacophonic panic. Then, he started to run.

The wolf ran faster than the wind. The grass seemed to bow down before him in fear, so as not to get trampled by the extreme force that the wolf was. It was hoping it could avert the fate of the daisies, whose petals were mercilessly being torn one by one by the storm whipped up by the gray behemoth. She paid them no heed. Nature would always find a way, she though, yet only she could save her and only if she ran faster than the wind.

They passed many trees. Still far away from the death wood, these loosely standing trees shook in terror as the duo passed by them. The squeaks of terrified animals could be heard as they desperately sought shelter. She cared not who she trampled over. As long as no beasts hindered her journey, she cared for them even less than for blades of grass.

Finally, a shade fell on her face. The death wood stood looming in front of her, its ominous greenness obscuring the freshly awoken sun. Unlike the previous groups of trees, the death wood was completely still and silent, not a leaf rustling, nor a squirrel scratching. The only sound was that which the wolf made. The smell was also most peculiar. It was not putrid, nor fresh, one could say it wasn’t really there. But it was. She and the wolf could both smell it. It was still. It was death.

She could tell the wolf grew tired, so she patted him on the back. There knew there was a stream nearby, where they could both drink and keep moving. And a stream they found. The wolf drank and drank for what seemed like hours, but afterwards, he seemed completely rejuvenated. She filled sacs with water and hung them over the beast’s back, just in case they could find no more fresh water. She mounted the wolf once again and took a look around the forest. The trees were black as tar, coloring the entire wood ebony, with only hints of the sun’s white rays visible up above, between the thick leaves. There was no time to waste.

The wolf once again ran. His paws seemed to glow in the total darkness of the forest. Many hours passed with no trouble whatsoever. She started to get suspicious. They were getting so close. The sun had already reached the midpoint of its journey a couple of hours before, so the end of the wood should be nearby. And yet, no attackers so far, even though she knew people would try to hinder her journey. Perhaps she was too late, she thought, but quickly brushed away that notion. They ran ever faster, making fewer and fewer stops. The situation seemed to fill the wolf with enthusiasm, as he would not feel the need to stop and drink so often anymore. His fur looked lighter, almost white, almost as if he was a glowing beacon among the black treed.

That’s when she heard a loud, piercing noise. A sharp pain in her shoulder. She put a hand there to see if she was injured – blood. She looked back – four horsemen were shooting at her. The wolf sped up. She pulled out her bow. One, two, three arrows were sent flying towards the riders. She’d hit one right between the eyes and he fell of his steed, but the others missed. Her wound was burning. She could tell it was no ordinary wound. She was prepared for the devil’s poison, though. She had been given a vial with a liquid most precious, one that could heal any wound, even poisoned, but only once and  only if there was one.  She knew she had to be more careful, so she shot out another barrage of arrows. One shot in the leg, one in the eye, two horsemen fell. Only their leader was left, wearing chainmail and a closed helm, he was going to be difficult to take down. Her strength was leaving her. She could tell the devil’s poison cursing in her veins. She was dying. She could tell the wolf wanted to help, but urged him to press on. In that instant that she turned away to face her companion, she heard an ominous sound of a sword being drawn. He was right beside her, ready to deal the finishing blow. He swung his sword fast and steady, his red eyes glowing from behind the helmet. She covered her face with her hands.

A stream of blood splattered in front of her eyes, dying the black wood a dark crimson. But it was not her blood. She felt a strong jerk and suddenly hit the ground. She could hear the vicious roars emitted by the wolf, accompanied by the panicked cries of a man and a horse neighing in desperation. She could hear the wolf tear limb from limb, she could hear more blood spill on the austere forest bed. She could feel the life leave her arm. When she fell from the wolf, she lost her things. Gone was the vial, her only chance to make it out of the wood alive, and she had no strength left in her to look for it. The curse was devouring her from the inside. She winced in pain, but the pain soon stopped, if only briefly. That’s when she heard there were no more sounds of struggle. She could only hear slow steps. She recognized them immediately and uttered a huge sigh of relief.

She soon saw the wolf approach her, blood dripping from his white teeth, staining the object he was holding between them. His tired eyes met hers as he dropped the vial with the miraculous liquid in her hand. She looked at him lovingly, as words could never express how grateful she was for such a loyal companion. His eyes closed. The beast fell down on its side. That’s when she noticed the huge gash on his side. His fur turned darker and darker. The same curse that was plaguing her was eating him away. The vial could only heal one. And yet he opened his steel eyes once again, looked into hers, as if nudging her to drink it herself. She pondered that for a minute and felt a huge pain, different from the one caused by the curse. She knew there was only one way out. Twilight was upon them, and the place they were holding her was near, but not near enough for a human to reach it on foot. She struggled to get up and forced the contents of the vial down the beast’s throat, disregarding his growls of protest.

“Go,” she told him, as she dropped to the ground. “She is my light, just as she is yours. Now, you can be her light. You can be mine, too. Please.”

The wolf stood up. He sniffed at her face as she ran her fingers through his mane which was now white as snow. He licked her wound, but she pushed him away. After one final exchange of gazes, she embraced his neck one last time. It was soft, warm, comforting. She knew she had made the right decision. He was always there. He would finish the job. She was sure of it. As she let go, the wolf ran. She could hear him stop for a second before resuming his run. That made her smile, if only just a little. She faced the sky. It was a mixture of orange and pink. She knew that meant there was little time. She didn’t know if even he could reach her in time. And yet, that small, weak light was enough. Her job was done, if cut short. As death engulfed more and more of her body and the view of the sky was taken away from her, she remembered the light and warmth of the wolf’s fur. She smiled once more. He truly was always there with her.