The Ritual

A group of youths dressed in black robes is gathered around a table. The room is dimly lit, only a couple of candles provide lighting. The youths are chanting in some unknown language, holding their hands in midair. One of them is holding a black book. Suddenly, a muffled tumbling noise comes from somewhere else and the lights go out. There is a commotion. A chicken’s clucking can be heard.

IRA

Go- I mean, dammit Geoff! Can’t you keep those candles lit?

REGGIE

Who the fuck put Geoff on candle duty anyway?

GEOFF

Sorry, guys. I’m on it.

A loud bump can be heard from the direction GEOFF’s voice was coming. He resumes in a pained manner.

Ouch! Oh Go- I mean, fucking hell, my toe! Sorry, I think I bumped into something. I’m really, really sorry. Oh boy, I think I lost my lighter.

NORENE

Here it is, Geoff.

GEOFF

Thank you so, so much! Alright, now let’s light those candles.

Another muffled bump.

So sorry, guys! Is that you, Melv? No, never mind. I’ll just go and light the candles, yeah.

The lights come back up. The youths are now fewer in number, which is neither explained nor remarked upon by any of the others. Two robed figures hastily rise up from below the table, shaking some dust off their robes. The youth in the middle (IRA) puts the book down on the table opened.

IRA

Now then, my brothers and sisters, let the ritual commence. We shall soon greet our master. Has the sacrifice been prepared?

REGGIE

As instructed, o high priest.

The figure to IRA’s left (REGGIE) places an empty cage on the table. IRA slams his fists on the table.

IRA

Are you fucking kidding me, Reggie? Haven’t we had enough humiliation for one day? For Chri- I mean, for the devil’s sake, can’t you guys treat this seriously? I thought we were all in this together.

The figure to IRA’s right (NARENE) places her hand on his shoulder.

NARENE

Be calm, your excellence. I am sure Reginald has an explanation.

REGGIE

I guess…? I mean, certainly, o high priest! For when I have come to visit your, um, abode, I am certain that a, uh, feathered one was still captive in… that… con…traption? Surely, something must have gone amiss when Geoffrey disturbed our ceremony? It is indisputable that it was on that occasion… Dammit. I just wanted to say it’s fucking Geoff’s fault that the chicken went and vanished.

REGGIE points to a tall, pot-bellied figure (GEOFF).

GEOFF

Why are you guys always blaming me? I didn’t do anything!

REGGIE

You didn’t fucking light the candles right!

GEOFF

It really isn’t my fault they went out! The wind must’ve blown in or something!

REGGIE

Don’t you fucking mess with me, Geoff!

IRA

Wait a minute, there is no proof. Geoff may be clumsy and slow, but he is still out brother. Why would he sabotage our ceremony?

GEOFF

Yeah! Where’s your proof?

As GEOFF finishes his sentence, a clucking noise comes from within his robes. He nervously clutches at his stomach, but that only makes the chicken visibly squirm. GEOFF makes a run for it, followed by the rest of the cultists.