A peaceful Sunday morning

The gentle rays of the sun were seeping through the kitchen window. I was trying to enjoy my coffee as I browsed through the morning paper. Yes, the morning would have been very pleasant if it weren’t for all the noise.

“And you know what else she said to me?” a squawk came from beyond the window.

“What? What did she say?” came another voice.

“She said black is so last season,” the first voice said, outraged.

“Oh, she did not!”

“Well, believe it. Still, I slapped her in that stupid beak and told her ‘girl, what color do you think you are?’”

“Nice!”

Fed up with the argument I didn’t want to be part of, I opened the window and shouted a bit louder than I’d intended: “Would you kindly pipe down! I’m trying to have a peaceful Sunday morning here!”

“Oh shit!” one of the crows exclaimed as I screamed at them and then they both flew away. I was just about to close the window, content with the quiet I’d finally get to enjoy, but then a voice came from just below me.

“Oh, hi, you’re up,” said the orange cat as he jumped up on the windowsill, ready to enter the house. He almost made it, but I pushed him out. “Hey, no fair. You said you’d let me in.”

“Not now,” I sighed. “I need to use the bathroom.”

“Oh, okay. I’ll wait then.”

“I don’t have anything you can eat, okay?”

“Yes, you do,” the cat waved his tail. “The nose knows. You can lie to other people since you guys are stupid and couldn’t smell a rotten egg from half an inch away.”

“Yes, we could!” I said, my arms raised in exasperation.

“Yeah, whatever. I’m coming in now.” The cat took another step, but I managed to stop him again.

“Don’t you dare. I’m closing the window now.”

“Alright, but you better come back soon. I need you to pet me before I go pay that old lady a visit. Oh darn, my hair is all messed up.” And with that, the cat started washing itself as I closed the window.

I sat down on the toilet and sighed again. I could finally have some peace. Or so I thought.

“Oh, uh, hi. You live here?” I heard a small voice coming from somewhere above me.

“Who’s there?” I whispered.

“Um, up in the corner.” I looked up and indeed, in the corner I saw a tiny little spider suspended on a web. “Yeah, so I’m new here. Mind if I stay? I’ll eat up your flies and stuff.”

“Fine, fine,” I grunted. “Just please, promise you’ll be quiet.”